The Ranger and Mr. Boogarty

manager Thu, 01/19/2017 - 23:33

Campfire script

Ranger: I am the ranger responsible for everything that goes on in this area. Welcome to …..(Indian Creek Canyon). The names and places in this canyon are all based in actual history. In other words – they actually exist. All of the fictitious names and places have been replaced by names of places that are either real or imagined and are not to be confused with those of innocent bystanders. With that said let me explain why we are either here or someplace else. The important thing to remember is that no matter where you go nor how difficult the way nor how long it takes to get there just remember that when you finally arrive – there you are!

Now that we have that cleared up lets move on to the more important things.

The big event tonight is based upon the fact that on approximately this same night every Year or month or week as the case may be we have the exclusive privilege of communicating with Mr. Boogarty!

For those of you who don’t know, Mr. Boogarty has inhabited this area exclusively along with several other areas where people or places might be found. He is not just a figment of imagination but is a real entity from historical expression whether real or imagined and his name has not been changed to protect the innocent.

We have learned through experience that communication with Mr. Boogarty is only possible with the use of a muggle horn such as this. Actually three muggle horns are normally used. One for the communicator to speak with, one for the communicator to wear on his head and one for Mr. Boogarty. Mr. Boogarty does not wear one on his head because he exists in the third dimension and we only have two muggle horns anyway.

OK here we go!

Ranger (from here on designated as R.): Mr. Boogarty, are you there?

Mr. Boogarty (from here on designated as B.) Who’s calling? I was out in the back 40 acres tending to the riffraff plants.

  1. Mr. Boogarty, I have some people here who want to would like to see you and communicate with you.

B. Well they can’t see my Front because it is in the Back and they can’t see my Back because it is in the front. If they look at me from the side they can’t see me because I am two-dimensional and when I turn sideways I disappear. What do they want to talk to me about?

  1. It sounds to me like you are a ghost.
  2. Well I actually am a sort of ghost but don’t tell anybody
  3. Why not?

B Because people are scared of ghosts and I’m not really all that scary although I have spent a lot of time and effort to achieve it – not to mention all the money I spent at scare school. Unfortunately I never received a diploma and so I am not a registered ghost.

R. I see – I think. Tell us Mr. Boogarty what is the most scary thing here in this area?

B. Well lets see. There is the giant two headed pinecone that can scratch all the paint off your car, and then there is the underground shovel mole that tunnels under your camp and can suck your tent right down out of sight, but I think the worst thing is the Side Hill Grinder.

  1. Side Hill Grinder? What is a Side Hill Grinder?
  2. The Side Hill Grinder was first discovered by the ancestors of one of your own – namely, General Russelloff Slyzowski. It seems one of his ancestors was attacked by it a long time ago and so the warning has been passed down through the ages.
  3. That sounds pretty scary alright but what is it like and what does it do – This side Hill Grinder?
  4. Well it is a furry little animal a bit larger than a house cat. It has legs on one side shorter than the legs on the other side and it can go around the side of hills really fast but has a lot of trouble going up and down, so if you are attacked by one it is best to run uphill or downhill.
  5. OK but what is the danger if it catches you?
  6. It has sharp teeth and will chew off your toenails. It will also try to sneak into your tent at night while you are asleep and if your feet are sticking out you are in trouble. It sometimes gives a warning by scratching on the walls of the tent.
  7. That is pretty scary alright – what can be done to protect against an attack?
  8. Well like I said, don’t leave your feet sticking out at night and you can always try the pine cone thing.

R. Pine cone thing? What is that?

B. Just tie a string to a pine cone and hang it on the tent. Side Hill Grinders don’t like pine cones because they think it is the giant two-headed pine cone and it might tear all the fur off the side hill grinder and then he would freeze in the winter time.

  1. Well, thank you for the warning Mr. Boogarty. Is there anything else we should watch out for?
  2. The only other thing is to watch out for what I call the Two-handed D. M. S.
  3. What in the world is a Two-Handed D. M. S.?

B. It is the Two-Handed Daddy Marshmallow Snatcher. Gotta go now – Goodnight!